Restless
by Banji
Summary: [X-posted on AO3] Lance tries to find comfort in one of his friend after another night of bad dreams and worries. Keith is probably not the best choice.


It was nearing midnight, or whatever the Altean version of that was, as Keith sat cross-legged on his bed, studying combat techniques from some of his old books. He was mentally walking through his last solo training session, making note of any mistakes he might have made, when a light knock at the door interrupted his concentration.

"Come in," he replied, trying not to sound too irritated. Keith had been on his own for so long, he had grown used to the solitude. Being dragged out into deep space and thrust into a team had been jarring, to say the least, and the time spent in his room was pretty much the only time he had to himself.

The door slid open with a quiet _whoosh._

"It's late, what do you want?" Keith continued his reading, waiting for an answer from whomever had interrupted him. He took the time to finish the page he was on, then looked up from his book. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Lance?"

Lance stood in the doorway, his thin frame silhouetted in the dim blue light of the spaceship. He wore light fabric pajama pants and a long sleeve t-shirt, the cuffs of which he had balled in his fists. The taller boy looked at the ground, his face pale.

"Lance, it's late," Keith repeated. "Whatever it is, can it wait until morning?"

Lance hesitated, crossing his hands in front of his waist and still refused to meet the other's eyes. Keith frowned. Lance usually never stopped talking and always made huge and bold gestures, constantly trying to be the center of attention. Now, for the first time, he looked like he was trying to make himself as small as possible.

"I, uh…" Lance shifted and looked at Keith's books spread out on the bed, still avoiding direct eye contact. "I couldn't sleep. Ever since the ambush attack and the castle going rogue, I just…" He tugged on the hem of his sleep shirt. "It's hard being by myself. At night."

Keith sighed. Of all the people on this ship, Lance had picked him to bother with this for some reason. Surely Pidge or Hunk or even Shiro would have been a better, if not more sympathetic, choice. He just didn't 'do well' with other people.

"Lance, I don't—"

"Never mind, just forget it. I'll go back to my room." He turned around sullenly, his head bowed. "Sorry to bother you."

"Wait."

Lance paused, then looked at the other boy expectantly. His dark blue eyes looked sad in the low light of the sleeping quarters. Keith rolled his eyes, but moved the books and scooted over on the bed. Lance hesitated before moving slowly towards the bed. The door closed gently behind him.

Keith turned back to his reading as the taller boy shuffled underneath the sheets and settled in. The bunks on the ship were small, barely comfortable enough for one person, so Keith hugged as close to the wall as he could to avoid touching the other boy.

Lance rolled over and faced his teammate. "Thanks, Keith."

"Don't mention it," Keith replied tersely, annoyed with the close proximity.

He could feel Lance's eyes focused on him. After a few minutes of attempting to concentrate while being watched like a hawk, Keith snapped his book shut. He gathered up the rest of the reading material and stacked it on the ledge next to the bed.

Lance sat up slightly. "Sorry, am I distract—"

"It's fine." Keith tucked himself under the covers. "I was done with that chapter anyway."

"Oh, okay." Lance turned onto his back. "Sorry."

"Please stop apologizing," Keith snapped, turning his back on his bunkmate. "Just go to sleep, alright?"

Lance didn't reply.

Keith shut his eyes, desperately trying to will himself to sleep. The awkward silence hung in the room, and the close quarters of the small bed made him hyper aware of Lance next to him. Finally, after a few agonizing minutes, he was on the verge of drifting off.

"How do you deal with being alone, Keith?"

Keith's eyes snapped open. He decided he was going to physically throw Lance out of his room in about ten seconds. The other boy was always getting on his nerves, but this was a whole new level of irritating.

Lance fidgeted with the bed sheets. "I know you were by yourself in the desert for a while after you dropped out of the academy. Did you—weren't you lonely?" He glanced over at his companion, back still turned towards him, shoulders squared and tense.

"….No."

"No? Not even a litt—"

"No," he repeated forcefully. "I've always been on my own. I don't get lonely. I like being by myself."

Lance turned his gaze back to the ceiling. "That's… kind of sad," he whispered.

"It is what it is." Keith pulled himself even closer to the wall, hoping Lance would get the memo and shut up.

"I can't stand being alone."

Apparently not.

"Especially after everything that's happened," he clarified.

Keith mentally chastised himself before answering, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I just keep having bad dreams. I think it's something to do with nearly getting ejected into space. And the cryo pods…" Lance shivered. "I think maybe it's that thing, where you're afraid of tight spaces."

"Claustrophobia?" Keith offered. He carefully shifted onto his back so that they were side by side, almost touching shoulders. They both stared up at the ceiling. This was a side of Lance he'd never seen before, far different from the self-proclaimed rival he usually presented himself as.

Lance nodded. "Yeah, that one."

"That doesn't make sense." Keith crossed his arms. "You're a pilot, how can you be claustrophobic when your whole job involves being alone in a small space? And what about your lion? It doesn't look like you have any trouble with it."

Lance shook his head. "That's different. When I'm in my lion, I have you guys around me and I can hear you in my comm system. I know I'm not alone." He messed with his shirt collar.

"Lance, I really don't think you have claustrophobia. So you've gotten into a couple of tight situations over the past few weeks. That doesn't—"

"You don't understand what it's like," Lance whispered fearfully.

Keith glanced over at him. His warm brown skin looked pale in the blue-green glow of the room's ambient light. His eyes, shut tight in a pained expression, had purple rings under them, as if the lanky teen hadn't slept in days. Why hadn't Keith noticed them before now?

Lance inhaled shakily before continuing. "The second time I got frozen in the cryo pod, I thought I was going to be stuck there forever. I kept pounding on the glass, but Coran couldn't hear me; I couldn't hear him either." He shivered again, as if talking about the experience brought back the extreme chill of the cryogenics. "It's timeless in there, Keith. You don't know how long you're been asleep or- or if you're ever going to wake up."

He had a point. Keith hadn't thought about it before, but everyone he'd ever seen put into one of those pods had been unconscious first. He didn't like to think about what it must have been like to get stuck in one while fully awake, painfully aware of what was about to happen with no way to stop it. In hindsight, it must have been horrifying. He said nothing, waiting for Lance to continue.

"Then I got locked in the airlock, trapped with nothing but the sound of my own screams and a countdown timer to certain death. No one could hear me then either." He opened his eyes and looked at Keith. "If you hadn't seen me in there, I would have been blasted into space, which we all know is soundless so I would have quickly suffocated in the deafening silence of black nothingness, tumbling into the endless abyss for all eternity-"

"Whoa, okay, no need for dramatics," Keith interrupted with a nervous chuckle. Lance swallowed and turned back to the ceiling, his eyes wide with fear. Keith did not like seeing him like this. It was… almost heartbreaking. "Besides, you were fine. I saw you in time and got you out."

"But what if you hadn't."

Keith sat up on his elbow. "Listen to me: You cannot think like that, Lance. We are a team now; we look out for each other." He hesitated before lightly gripping Lance's arm. "Look, I don't know where this is coming from, but like I said, I don't think you have claustrophobia. I think…" He forced himself to look up, his steel gray eyes met Lance's deep blue ones. Somehow a lump had formed in his throat. "I think you're just afraid of being abandoned by your friends."

Lance said nothing, but Keith saw his eyes started to glisten as tears took form. It made him feel weird. He was no good at this 'comforting' thing, but he felt like he had to do whatever it took to make Lance stop being upset.

"You don't have to be scared," Keith continued, in spite of himself. "No one's going to abandon you, Lance. We're your friends, and you matter to us. So don't worry, okay?"

He watched as Lance crumbled. The taller boy pressed his palms into his eyes and stifled a sob, tears running down the sides of his face. Keith frowned, panicking slightly. This was not what he wanted to happen.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," he urged. He thought for a moment, unsure of what else to do, then awkwardly pulled his friend into his arms. Lance immediately wrapped his arms around Keith, his lithe frame shaking. Keith was surprised as how thin he felt. He allowed Lance to bury his face into his collarbone, the wetness of his tears staining Keith's black t-shirt. Keith sighed and gently rubbed the other boy's back. For a brief moment, he let it get to him.

"I do understand," he murmured gently.

Lance stopped shaking, relaxing his grip ever so slightly. Keith hesitated, wondering if this was a good idea.

"I know what it's like to be abandoned. I act cool and unattached, but it's because I'm scared. I've been on my own, an orphan, for as long as I can remember, and I've never really had a… family." Keith swallowed thickly. "I don't get attached to people because, deep down, I'm afraid I'll get left behind again."

It had been some time since Keith talked about his past with anyone, but for some reason, Lance was easy to talk to. Perhaps because he too had shared his fears without question. He remained resolute, however, that he would **not** cry.

Lance sniffled before pulling away and looking up at Keith, his eyes red and puffy but calmed.

"I won't leave you, Keith. Ever."

Keith almost teared up. Almost.

Lance sighed heavily as he settled back down. He pulled Keith ever so slightly closer, his boney arms wrapped awkwardly around his friend. Keith, strangely enough, didn't mind. He allowed himself to relax into their embrace, absently stroking Lance's back until he heard the other boy's breathing become deep and even.

As Keith drifted off once more, he promised himself that neither of them would ever feel abandoned ever again.

Not if he could help it.


End file.
